The day I set my foot here, I knew there was something odd in this place. I could just smell it in the air; scent of a better tomorrow, or was that just horse's stale? I don’t really remember now.
Now that I think of it, EME would have ended up so much better as a circus than a university it is right now.
I mean you get to see all kinds of items/pieces here. They are like the saviors of EME, they will never ever let you get bored. They are the heroes EME deserves but not the ones it needs right now.
Just when you fail a couple of quizzes, lose a COD game to your arch nemesis, see your crush with someone else and are having the worst day ever, you see a guy passing by who deemed it fit to wear a bright orange tee with his shalwar.
Exquisite, Hellooo Louis Vuitton! You got any openings?
But now these people, these outlaws, these ingenious err... ‘Geniuses’ are here to send shivers down your spine.
As if their regular versions weren’t enough. These people finally get the chance to unleash their inner animal. I imagine them opening their secret safes and pulling out those ‘sarson k tel ki bottle’ or ‘sasti wali gel’, bringing out the ‘200 walay “original” Ray-bhens’ they bought from a branded rehri. The boys bring out their scissors and make all kinds of weird cuts on their jeans; Fahashi!
Oh and how could I miss the trademark ‘Gucci Ki belt’! Well ladies are certainly strike with awe every time, just not in the way they expected.
The men in uniform. Chicks dig ‘em! Well at least as long as they don’t see them up-close. These boys are so NOT what the Non-Emenents girls imagine them to be! And NO, I am not jealous! Did the barber empty his soup bowl on your heads and cut the forest around it? How can somebody find that charismatic? (Much stress on ‘how’)
But ladies… we, the regular people, are here as well! Does it really matter if one should fire a gun, do 50 push-ups, or do some real macho badass sh*t?
Now let me tell you people. EME is not kind to burgers or anyone who speaks from the corner of his mouth or wears checkered shorts and flips flops at five in the evening or uses phrases like LOL in real life. By the end of their first week in EME these burgers, the once glorified zingers and big macs, are reduced to “bun kebabs” or “Andey wala burger” as a matter of fact.
Olympiad is the one time when their eyes sparkle once again, the flashbacks start, their heads are dipped in the holy ‘Set Wet’, very very *beep once again*.
The shades are out of their holsters. And when I say out I mean those babies are so out of their caves that they remain out till midnight! And when these ‘Andey wala burgers’ finally return home, the ever-expected dilemma awaits: “Its way past your bedtime. You are grounded son!”
These guys are like ninjas. Just when you want some peace, some alone time to ponder over the meaning of life, your existence, solitary or just when you think it’s safe to pick your nose, spit on the ugly plant, throw a banana peel on the ground, or eat mud (some still do; kartey sab hain lekin batata koi nahi).. BAAMM! *shutter clicks*
They are there, they are everywhere, capturing the moment! Making memories, one at a time.
These guys just don’t let you unflex your muscles.
“bhaiya thora idhar, thora aur, bass thora sa aur”. *samajh nai araha konsi gali dun*
Trust me, nobody gives two sh*ts over how many Likes you get on your ‘DSLR wali profile picture’, *Qabar mey lekey janey hain itne likes?*
How can you forget the proverbial teacher! The one who will chase you down while you’re unsuspectingly making images. The ones who will pounce on you to pass on unsolicited advice to the point you start to feel that your knowledge of photography is a big zero. They may even try to sell their book to you!
Ever seen a Hollywood movie with cool FBI and MI6 agents waving around their badges wearing tuxedos and shades and when they pull out their guns they give that totally awesome side pose? ^_^
Well these guys are nothing like them. Ever seen Johnny English? Yeah you are getting close! And if you can’t relate, you’ve been watching the wrong kind of Johnny, brother.
Instead of solving cool murder cases and making the world all sparkly and farting rainbows around, these guys address to less dire problems like:
“Bhai washroom kidher hai?”
“Bhai idher tikka kahan say milay ga?”
“Uncle tickets kahan say milengi carnival ki”?
“Fakhir kahan say milay ga?”
An average passerby will remark “Cool suit Bwoay!”
And oh boy don’t these guys love their pictures taken. They sure know their way around the DP mafia.
Their standard guide to a killer DP:
1. Spot a photographer
2. Strike a pose; look in the sunset, hold the walkie talkie up and pretend to order a nuclear strike.
3. Rishta picture ready.
Imagine serenity at its peak, calmness you’ve never experienced before, quiet that can be shattered with the tinniest of squeaks. You there yet? That is all you would not need for a complete EME-fication dose, yes! We invent words because that is just how Pindi we are.
From the highs to the lows, the east to the west, the ‘tanki’ to the cadet ‘bin’ and from kiosk to Fresh, we have what they call, a complete deal.
And if you see certain people roaming around with hooked moustaches which make them look like wannabe Mexicans minus the Sombreros, don’t be alarmed. It’s just a species we like to call The Mechatronians of EME on the prowl.
And yes, right there, you see that contraption that resembles the Mars Rover. No, you haven’t stumbled across a multimillion dollar device, it’s just our Mechanical Engineers testing out yet another sustainable fuel source using a weird looking, let’s call it, car *air quotes*. Too bad it can’t even make 30 yards across Old Trafford.
That’s right; we even have Old Trafford here. It has its very own Di Maria and RVP rolled into one. We like to call him, The Striker of The Twin Cities.
As you delve deeper into the abyss *coughs* I meant, wonder you’ll slowly realize that our way of life is like no others. Did that sudden out-of-nowhere salute freak you out? Or that loud Assalam-o-Alaikum, Sir? Worry not! We like hardwiring extreme manners into our dear residents – to the point that they think of nothing else but utmost hospitality and demonstration of great respect for our guests.
All that and more, we call EME home and our own personal Hell, haven’t you heard the quote:
“We forge the chains we wear in our life.”
In short, it’s our Twelfth Wonder of the World. And, you’ll love it.
Leaving all those who witnessed it last year stupefied, EME Olympiad strives to get even better and reach the limits unparalleled for years to come. Housing four major categories namely sports, social events, arts and technical events; ranging from fashion designing or thematic films to track mania or Robowars, you name it; this four-day fiesta comes with a zing of festivities and a kick of competition. EME Olympiad has always earned the honor of calling the most dynamic celebrities of Pakistan. Over the past years, attendees have enjoyed not only the rock concerts of Noori and Ali Azmat and Qurat-ul-Ain Baloch but the allure of actors/actresses as well.
Truly, this fun-jammed glamor-ride takes your life to a whole new level and this is not even an exaggeration. This year, the event looks even more promising in bringing fresh enticement to its table. Our Olympiad is meant for everyone; from a nobody to a somebody. So no matter if you are a geek, a sportsperson, a movie maniac or a master-chef, Register now, pack your bags and get your gears ready to experience once-in-a-lifetime experience because trust me when I tell you this,‘It doesn’t get any better than this.’